BE•REN•MAN

Re: What Happened to Rap?

Posted in Music by Chris on May 21, 2011
Hallelujah! Got-DAMN! My prayers have been answered!  I’m assuming Lil’ Jon and the East Side Boyz done read my post and hitched a ride on a Delorean back to 2000, with his Crunk Cup and my blog post in hand,  to create this musical masterpiece. Loop it on repeat and please, please don’t forget to tip on fo-fos.


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What Happened to Rap?

Posted in Music by Chris on May 10, 2011
Those that know me understand that I have a penchant for getting angry at the most inappropriate times.  I blame it on trying to be “chill”– and unbeknownst to me it’s why things tend to fester. Make sense to you? Good, me neither. A-N-Y-WAY, a few days ago I felt another outburst coming on and I thought I was well prepared. I calmly walked to my car, flipped to my iPod, and drove off (VROOM!).  As I felt the rage begin to boil over I frenetically scrolled through my library with only the likes of Rebecca Black’s Friday, KiD CuDi’s Mr. Rager, and Skee-Lo’s I Wish turning up– inappropriate vehicles to channel my anger. Left perplexed, this predicament led me to ponder: what the hell happened to rap? I expected to release some of my frustrations by listening to some aggressive rap; something like Onyx’s Slam and I was left dissatisfied– I guess I’m also a jackass for not having my iPod prepared. While I’m far from displeased with current state of music, in my mind there is a void yet to be filled. All I ask for is for some pointless angry-ass rap music. Please, for my sake, make it sound something to the tune of of what’s below. Look at the song in all of its glory: angry at the beginning and happy at the end. A delectable mixture of frenzy and glee. Please, Jeebus, make it come true. If Rebecca Black can make Friday an international chart-topper then FUCK FUCK SHIT SHIT will undoubtedly be the song of the millennium.

F&#K, F@*K!
S!%T, S–T!
WIGGLE, WIGGLE!
DANCE, DANCE!
(Repeat 376x)

I expect royalties from the remixes.

 

Chromeo – Business Casual

Posted in Music by Chris on September 30, 2010
It I’m sick of the radio. How is Train still relevant? They’ve resurrected themselves 3 times in 3 different decades! By the time the Sun implodes, sucks all matter into it’s gravitational abyss, and pukes everything into a parallel dimension Hey Soul Sister, Meet Virginia, Tears of Jupiter, Stephen Hawking, and a slew of other Train singles that have yet to be produced will be all that remains. What if there’s a bizzaro version of Train in the bizzaroverse? They’re probably more famous than Mozart over there. And while I’m on the course, let’s extend the topic of personal distastes to my disdain of Ryan Seacrest. What in the holy EFF is Ryan Seacrest doing invading my car radio? I find myself road raging even at a sustained 90 mph because all I can imagine is his shit-eating grin filling the gaps and spaces between the laugh track and awful dialog. Successful? Yes. Funny? Hell no. Washington DC’s radio stations are killing me. Luckily I’ve got friends spread all over the place that either a.) aren’t subjected to this same aural abuse or b.) aren’t as dim as I to rely on radio for snazzy tunes. That’s how I found Montreal‘s finest: Chromeo. A while back Fancy Footwork, Chromeo’s 2nd album, was introduced to me by Detroit’s native son, Ben Gressgott. Since that magical winter, Chromeo released Business Casual their latest album that’s highlighted by #3 Night By Night, #4 Don’t Turn the Lights On, and #8 J’ai Claqué La Porte. If you’re nervous about the RIAA bashing down your door and punching out your adolescent sister for downloading illegally, you can sample their music at GrooveShark. You can thank me later. OK. Thank me now.  
The Zub ZenV is one of the few that are two-toned albeit not the most radical.